Opening To Closing – How To Successfully Go Through An Interaction With A Girl
What you'll learn in this article:
- How to go from opening to hooking and even closing
- Sami's unique step-by-step guide to pull resistance free
- The fundamentals of the 5 C's of Pickup
People put too much emphasis on opening, thinking that if it works smoothly then everything will fall in place.
That’s why people love the canned openers, because they think that it will solve their game. What you say doesn’t actually matter, in fact, if you are in your head and you open, you’ll be giving off a very bad energy because you aren’t present in the moment.
You’ll never win over a girl from just the open. Realize that the open itself will be followed by A LOT of testing if the girl is hot, she’ll probably throw shit tests back at you like ‘Oh I have a boyfriend’ even if she doesn’t and that you’re going to have to go through a lot more than you were expecting.
Think of it like its an exam, and the opener is just writing your name on the front page, there’s going to be many stages after that. Throw it out of your head right now that you will ever have a smooth interaction.
If anything smooth interactions are really boring, if you went out every night and said the same thing over and over and always got results, there wouldn’t be any fun in it. It would be routine, and like all routines you’d get bored of it
Just keep the ball rolling
To start off with, you should be opening every single person you see, just to keep the ball rolling, the more quiet you are the harder it will be to manage your conversations. The people who work all day In jobs that have very little human interaction, will have a worse reaction time, then say for example a comedian who is used to talking all the time, and sometimes having to deal with people’s reactions.
In fact a stand up comedian is someone who would be very good at conversation, just because he’s used to talking and talking and he might have good or bad reactions but he’ll still power through If you wait for the perfect opportunity, it will never come because you’ll always find a new excuse. There is no perfect moment, now is as good a time as any. If for example you get rejected, so fucking what, take the experience, and just use it for your benefit.
Leave no room for excuses
So you’ll want to open the person before your excuses come into play, you literally want to already be in set before you realize you’re attracted to the person.
When im out with my girlfriends I’ll notice the guys who want to approach her and they’ll be analyzing the situation, so I’ll back off so that they think we aren’t together, and then I’ll just sit and wait, and it usually takes them a good 5 minutes to work up the courage to approach. Don’t assume you know the result of the interaction before having it.
It’s very important that you go for it, take a shot in the dark, rather than waiting for the perfectly aimed shot.
This is why improv is really good, you’ll get accustomed to making stuff up on the spot to deal with whatever you’re going to get.
Start viewing an interaction as she will always give you resistance, but its up to you on how you’re going to handle it.
Don’t even try planning ahead, just let it unfold. Funnily enough, I’ve seen guys walk more out of sets that are going well then ones that are going badly. Most guys wont know how to handle positive reaction, or even if a girl is being physical and they’ll just freak out and just bail. If you find yourself frozen, just click your fingers before and throw yourself into the set, make the approach funny if nothing else.
You should always try to escalate from the opener, a lot of people think escalation happens during the interaction somewhere in the middle, where in actual fact, it should be happening from the very first minute you open, right up until you close the girl.
You can do this during the day or during the night. Generally there are a few ways you can open, you can either be commanding, you can be high energy.
You can open with an awesome sense of self-amusement and be making jokes and you can approach even when you’re exhausted. Whatever you do, don’t try to combine everything, whatever you are feeling in that moment and time just go with it. If you’re super tired, just go up and say it.
3 Tricks To Open
Now as for being physical and using your hands to open, you can do any of the following.
• The beckoning ‘come here’. (Commanding vs high energy)
• The Hi 5 and hook.
• The ‘Hand of God’ as people call it.
And even if you don’t do any of the above, at some point in the interaction you’re going to want to either go for a handshake, a hug, or anything just to break the physical barrier as soon as possible.
Now don’t be deterred if you didn’t manage to get her attention the first time, it’ll happen where you need to try maybe 2-3 more times just for it to happen.
However, the opener won’t mean anything if you lack proper eye contact and if you lack proper tonality. Your eye contact has to be on point, you have to be looking at her as if you want to fuck her, not as if you’re scared to let her know how you feel.
Similarly, when you are talking to her, you aren’t talking to impress, a lot of guys come from a low value mind set where they speak to the girl and try to win her over with their conversation, remember you’re a man and she’s a woman, she isn’t your friend’s grandmother that you’re trying to be polite to so that you can show her you are a good person.
The Cocktail Party Effect
One little extra thing I usually do, is I remember the girls name, and I repeat it to her a few times throughout this interaction. In psychology this is known as the “Cocktail party effect”. Now what this effect is, is basically when you’re at a party, you are able to hear many conversations all at once, and you can block them out and concentrate on the current one you are having.
No matter how loud the environment is you are still in focus with the current conversation. Now let’s say in the middle of all the background noise, someone mentioned your name.
You’ll stop blocking out the mess and you will have spotted your name because it is something so familiar to you. So in a noisy room, if you hear your name being called, you’ll hear it without even realizing, as if you were waiting to hear it all along. So while I’m talking to a girl, I’ll use her name to her, almost as if I’m snap my fingers to get her attention, but in a subtler way. Now at this stage of the interaction, you’ll want to think of what next step are you going to be able to take.
The interaction is on your terms not hers, so if she gets distracted, be more commanding, and continue to lead. When you’re talking to a girl, you are auditioning her, not the other way around. Realize that what you have to offer is golden, and if she cant see it for what it is, then she’s the one losing, not you. You don’t need what she has, she needs what you have.
It’s like if you were an artist or a composer, and your talent was on display for a large audience, if someone from the audience gets up and leaves, you’ll know that they can’t appreciate what it is you have.
I have this thing I like to call the 4 Cs of pick up
Care free Confidence
In the sense that you should be going up to her and whatever you do, you’ll do it 100%, calibration you’ll re judge the situation, much like a sniper, and then you’ll aim and take a better shot till you home in on the target.
Congruence, now this is a big one that people don’t understand, and it’s linked with whatever emotional state you will be in on the actual night. If you are having a blast and you’re enjoying yourself, you can go and approach with high energy and it will work out, but also if you are really nervous and super shy, you can actually just say that,
“Listen I’m kind of nervous coming up to you’’.
The main importance is to be authentic, don’t try and lie about your state.
If you go up and you pretend to be a baller, and then she tests you, and you turn out to be super nervous, she’ll see that you aren’t congruent and she won’t see you so much as trust worthy, or a real man whose actions are aligned with his emotions.
You’ll just come off as a shady character. Whatever it is that’s on your mind, say it, even if you feel worried about saying “ I live in my grandma’s basement, I’m a virgin, I’ve only made out with my pillow for practice’
Just own it, completely own whatever it is you are, because you can’t own what someone else is. You can never be someone else, or live their experiences, so just use your own, and flaunt them. Don’t just put your experiences down on the table, slam them down almost saying ‘Fuck yea, this is me, and this is who I am’.
Don’t try and decorate it with a bow, and present it nicely, because guess what, if you try and present it perfectly, and It fucks up your ‘master piece’ is ruined.
But If you slam it down and be like, there this is it, take it, you can’t really ruin that, because you don’t give a shit about presentation, you’re just handing in whatever you have, with such certainty that it’s fucking awesome. Now the final C is being care free, and that’s the most important part, because it will wrap up all the previous stages together.
You should almost be on the edge of your seat throughout every interaction because of how much fun you are having, not because of what could potentially happen. If you sit down and think about the end goal, you won’t be fully in the moment of what’s going on right now, and you’ll end up not being as confident, not being very congruent, because you’re acting one way, but your mind is fixated on a result, and you definitely won’t be calibrated, because you’ll freak out if you make a mistake, worrying that you might damage the image you’re trying to create in this girls eyes.
Accept that you will not be able to take every girl home.
It’s just impossible, no matter how good you are, you will always have situations where you can’t control outside factors, she may be leaving in like an hour forever, she may be engaged and super in love and she will never ever cheat. At the same time, not every girl will like you.
Pick up will help balance the numbers in your favour, but you will never get 100% results for everyone you approach. Get pumped up by whatever it is you do, if you do get rejected, laugh about it. What I did when I was starting out, is every rejection I’d get, just before I leave the set I would say ‘ But … I Love you…’
No matter what it is she said,, even if she goes ‘Get the fuck out of my face, you’re a stupid haired loser.’
A good way to not take the negative reaction would be just to go… ‘ But… I love you’ and just walk away laughing.
Eventually you’ll learn how to push through even the worst rejections, but for when you’re starting out and you don’t want to let things affect you, just say it, its really fun. So going back to slamming your personality on the table, rather than trying to present it perfectly.
You’ll want to put your true colours on the line, and let her experience your character, and your current state of emotions, and the more she gets to experience you, the more she’ll be hooked.
Because someone with high value, like lets say Brad Pitt, no matter what he says, girls will listen, so he can be really into his story about chess, and the girl might fucking hate chess, but she’ll still be there listening to it, just because of his value, and how into his own story he is.
Now most of the stages up until this point will never be smooth, it’ll be all over the place, you might not be doing enough to grasp her attention, or you might have pushed it a little too far in which case you’ll have to calibrate, but once you have her hooked, the difficult part is over.
Now, I’m not saying it’ll be all smooth sailing from here onwards, but, you’ve definitely done most of the work and you can carry on in autopilot almost. There is however, still work to be done. So how do you know if she’s hooked? Just in the same way as she can tell everything about you from your eye contact and tonality, you’ll be able to do the same.
Her eyes will flare up when she’s interested, she’ll be talking a lot more and throwing questions at you, and her pitch might even change. You’ll even notice a change in her body language, where as before she may not be as ‘attached’, now she’ll be almost trying to touch you.
Now to get her hooked, you’re going to have to get an emotional reaction from her, remember girls are emotional not logical. So what you’ll want to do is make the girl react to something you say or do, now it can be a good reaction or a bad reaction, but as long as you change her state, she’ll associate this new current emotion with you because you’re the one that caused it.
Girls like to be led, they don’t like to lead, so if you don’t take charge of the interaction, she’s not going to feel anything, and she’ll put you on her little friend zone shelf, or she won’t even bother speaking to you at all.
They’ll try to classify you within the first few minutes of the interaction, so it’s very important to get her to react to you. Now if you go up to her and she gives you a really bitchy response, or like very negative attitude, and you react to that, or even flinch, she’ll automatically see that she’s in control of the interaction, she’s making you react to her, and you are just another useless guy trying to hit on her. So if she tells you, oh you’re too short for me, or “you’re too young for me” or whatever, and you respond with, oh yea well you’re an ugly bitch! She’ll realize that you’re of low value and that you’ve come into the interaction looking for a result.
Similarly, if she tells you oh you’re too short, and you respond with,
“yea I know, actually both my parents were midgets, and I also have this condition known as a micro penis, it’s just, horrible.”
You don’t even have to go that far, you can simply say yea, and carry on the conversation.
If she sees that you are unaffected, she’ll see she doesn’t have control over the interaction, and that you won’t react to what she says.
The golden rule is, the less you care, the better things will work out for you.
When you are in the interaction, keep it simple, there really is no need to panic, a lot of guys will worry about running out of things to say, so they’ll either say too much, or just panic and freeze and just end up leaving. When you’re in the set, keep it simple, you don’t have to tell magical stories about an adventure you took in the Caribbean, in fact, what you say doesn’t really make any difference as long as you are saying it while being unreactive to her.
Have you ever realized, that some points you’ll open the girl, and the conversation is going well, and then it’ll go from hahaha to like this COMPLETE awkward silence, and at this point she might check her phone, or look around the room and be like ok well it was nice meeting you I’m going to go back to my friends now.
Basically what she’s saying is, you didn’t trigger my attraction, and now your time is up. How many people have had an interaction like that? When you’re talking to her, you’re basically making her run on your treadmill, it’s your speed and she has to keep the pace, what most people do is they’ll set the pace, then when she responds, they’ll branch off into responding to her answer.
Like if she goes, Oh I’m from California, the guy will try to relate everything he possibly can with California so that she can see he’s worth something. OH you’re from California? Well I have an aunt who’s tennis coach is from California. Like ANY excuse to relate it, and what tends to happen is she’ll just go , oh , that’s cool, in the least interested way possible.
For the initial part you don’t want to jump back and forth from her speed to your speed, you’ll want to make your own, and let her follow. Now, you can’t set the pace by having long conversations, the initial part of the conversation isn’t the part for the stories, you can do that later once she’ll listen to you. If you try to start off with a story, no matter how good it is, she won’t even care to hear it all.
You’re literally wasting her time with something she doesn’t want to hear, and then she’ll go on autopilot, I actually made this exact mistake last weekend, one of the first sets of the night I spoke to a girl, and she said she was from Baltimore.
So instead of just continuing I started telling her my big ass story of my experience in Baltimore, and even after the first 10 seconds of my story, she was just bored of listening and didn’t gave me like a pity smile.
So the initial conversation you’ll want to do it in abrupt, short form. What I mean by that is almost speak to her as if you have a timer to find out information about her, pretend its speed dating, and that you have to talk to 20 girls that night and find out all you can about them in the first 5 minutes. “Who are you? What’s your name? What do you do? Do you live in the city?Nice, hi 5!”
Literally overwhelm her with conversation The fact that you aren’t relying on her response will mean that you can literally game without her even being there. If you go out with your wing, for practice game him, just pretend he’s the girl and just do it.
If you can’t game your friend, how do you expect to game a hot girl?
Generally everyone’s heart beat needs to be spiked for them to get some sort of excitement. You’ll want to turn the point in the emotion where she either reacts very positive to you, or very negative, either reaction is better than a stand still heart rate.
Going back to being care free, if you go up to the girl, and do all what I’ve already mentioned, but your mind is desperate on the outcome, she’ll sense it, and she’ll see how much you care, and as soon as she does, she’ll know that you aren’t who you are presenting yourself to be.
If you REALLY care about whether or not she’ll go home with you, you’ll be that needy little dog that is begging her for a treat. You’ll be jumping through hoops just for her good reactions.
Feel Like A Celebrity
You’ll want to rephrase that mind set, as if you are a celebrity, literally walk into a nightclub as if everyone is dying to meet you, and that you are going to pick one lucky girl to go home with, so like I said before, audition her, not yourself.
Just so you don’t get trapped in your mind, as soon as you walk into a club, or if you walk out in the street, approach the VERY first girl you see, no excuses allowed.
No matter what you say, as long as you walk up to the girl first instead of going to the bar first, and just say hello. Just say hello. It really is that simple, otherwise you’ll spend half an hour to an hour just standing around, not talking to anyone, and getting into your own head about the clubs dynamics.
This is why a lot of people take drugs, because it boosts their confidence and they walk into a club feeling like they own the place, like they are fucking rock stars. You can replicate that same adrenaline by just talking to every single girl you see in the club.. Lucky for you, if it doesn’t work with one girl, there’s another 300 right then and there.
Once You Got The Eye Contact
Once you do see that change in her eye contact and tonality, once she is looking at you giving you her attention and she’s “ all yours” this is where you’ve managed to spark her interest and now you’ll have to switch from the one who was doing all the work, to a mutual conversation. Typically a girl will only be able to handle around 5-10 minutes of your obnoxious initial conversation. So as soon as you that little switch in her, you’ll know to calm down and go back to normal speed.
You’ve shown her that you are attracted, you were able to spark her attention, now just have a real conversation, don’t treat her like she’s a ‘target’, you’ve done what needs to be done, now just be a real person and have a real conversation.
Here more than ever before it’s important to be 100% in the moment and not skipping ahead in your mind of where this might lead. In fact, at this point, you’ll want to make her chase you, just so that the table is switched and she’s the one trying for you.
Go To Isolation
Now at this point, you’ll want to try and isolate her, now this can be done in a number of ways, you can literally say, lets go grab a drink, lets go to the roof top so we can talk, or even if you just make her face away from her friends.
The reason you do this, is so that if in conversation with her, her friends are in her peripheral vision, she might get distracted, maybe even feel bad and say she can’t leave her friends alone and that she’ll just leave. Also she won’t be feeling judged by her friends if she can’t see them. You can even do this by introducing her to other people, so that you are the only familiar person she knows.
Make Her Invest
Invest So initially since you were doing all the work, at this point you’ll want to make her invest. If she puts effort into the interaction, she’ll feel less able to just walk out of the interaction and say, well ok this was fun, later, and then you’re just standing there having wasted a fucking hour. The more she invests in the interaction, the more likely she is to go home with you, this is the key.
Your opener doesn’t mean shit at this point, it’s how much you can get her to invest that will guarantee where this interaction is going to lead. Don’t confuse her responding to you, to her investing, there are times when you can zone out and have entire conversations with people and you aren’t investing anything.
Think about it, when you are in the middle of texting someone and a friend asks you if you are hungry or where you want to go tonight, when you respond, are you fully there? Are you investing at all into the conversation?
No, not at all, you are just going with the flow and you aren’t putting any effort. In the middle of your text however, if your friend suddenly jumped up in pain or said something that interested you, you would drop your message just to engage into his conversation. This is why a lot of numbers flake, when you number close a girl, if she didn’t invest any energy into that conversation, if she just stood there and didn’t feel changed by your conversation or emotionally attached, it’s a lot easier for her to ignore your texts and just flake on you.
Think of it the other way around, if you went out and someone from the street approached you and got your number for like a survey on something like air-conditions. And just to be nice you went along with the conversation and then you eventually gave out your number for the survey. When that person texts you back and goes, “Hey! its me Brian the air condition guy.” Because he didn’t get you to emotionally invest, its very easy for you to just ignore him and just never reply.
One way I do this is sometimes in the middle of the interaction if she says something like, I’ll pretend to act negatively towards it, like she might go, Yea I watch desperate house wives, and I’ll be like what? Just leave now. And she’ll usually respond wit what no no, and she’ll try to bring you in on her side of the story as to why you should agree with her. Now in the case that she goes ok I’m leaving, you can quickly turn it around into a joke and be like “haha I’m just kidding”, all that means is that you didn’t get her to invest at that point, you’ll just have to try again later.
Emotions Are Temporary
Generally speaking, the emotions you make the girl feel are temporary, not permanent. By that I mean, what you make her feel tonight, she will forget by tomorrow. So your first course of action is to take her home if possible. There are many times when a girl you met and you could have fucked that same night, if you leave it for a later time, it will just end up being a flake. Not always, but it does happen. Understand that if you meet her at the beginning of the night, you probably aren’t going to take her home then and there.
She didn’t just get ready for hours, and get hyped up for the weekend, just to go home with the first guy she speaks to. Then again, being the guy, why put all your eggs in one basket?
Just because its going well, doesn’t mean there aren’t other options, go around, build attraction with 5 or 6 or as many other girls as you can.
The more girls you talk to, the more likely you’ll find good logistics.
Now the best logistics is that she’s here with some friends, she has no responsibilities, and she is able to go home with you that night. You won’t always find that, A lot of times the cards just won’t be in your favour, whether you like it or not, for example the girl may be hosting a friend from out of town, and there’s no way she is willing to ditch her for you, no matter how charming or charismatic you are, her friend will come first, and she will see you another day.
In this case, go for the number and just arrange it for another night. The first half of the night, make it about getting yourself warmed up, talking to everyone, as if you have to keep yourself entertained until the real stuff happens. But you’re not allowed to stand still and not talk, you have to constantly be talking, think of it as if you’re at a party trying to meet everyone.
Rather than assuming things about girls, go take a self analysis, so that if I were to quiz you at the end of the night, you could tell me for sure yup that girl single, she’s living at her grandma’s house, know the details of all the girls.
“What are you doing tonight?” Now there are times when she’ll ignore your message, the best go to thing to say would be, The weirdest thing just happened… Sometimes they’ll have things they are doing, so you’ll have to try to reschedule till it fits both of you. My favourite thing to say, whether its in person or by text is, “how spontaneous are you?”
She Wants To Feel Awesome
A girl will always want to come off as awesome, so they’ll usually say oh very spontaneous, in which case you can just lead her out of the club and tell her you know of somewhere awesome to go. If it’s by text however, it’s a little bit more tricky, because you’ll have to actually get her out of the house by saying, ok meet me at this time at this location, and if they are being lazy they’ll come up with an excuse.
The Goal of the Day 2
When I do meet them for the day 2, I always tell them to meet me near my house, I don’t even ask what’s convenient for them, and I do this daytime or nighttime, I just tell them oh meet me on this cross street and we’ll hang out.
The day 2 isn’t just a place to hang out for a few hours to build comfort, the whole point of the day 2 is for what I like to call, unfinished business, you didn’t manage to take her home that night you met, so you’re meeting today to do just that. Also from the minute I meet them I go in for a big hug, or 2 kisses on the cheek. I’m doing it so I can be physical off the bat, but more importantly, because I want to make contact
I want to hug her and kiss her. Be it during the day or at night that meet them, I’ll always find an excuse to bring them back to my house. This could be from lets go have a drink on the building roof, to lets go watch a movie. Now if you command it, if you don’t ask, it’ll happen. So if its on the night, I’ll tell them, there’s a bar I know that’s open at this hour, and it’s awesome!
Now, I know full well, that the bar next to my house, is closed. So when we get there, I’m like oh no, alright not to worry, I live pretty close, let’s do drinks, and I’ll move them up to my apartment. Also Never ask, never ever ask, “hey do you want to go home? Hey do you want to have sex?”
You’re much better A friend of mine used to be so good with his commands.
We’d be at his house for like a little after party, and then out of nowhere he’d jump up and grab the girl’s hand and be like, come let me show you my dick, and he’d drag her away, now most times they’d be like what the fuck, but he was so confident with his actions, that she would get up, then when he’d take her to the other room, it would be a little baby photo of him hanging on the wall and he’d point at his infant penis, and it would be funny, but he’s moved her away, and up till that point, the girl had no idea why she was going.