How To Stop Being Needy
What you'll learn in this article:
- The Google-paradigm: what would you do?
- The magic trick to never become needy again.
- Sami's personal cheat-sheet to stay in the zone.
- 4 Rules to prevent getting needy.
Be it on a night out talking to a new girl you just met, or halfway down the line in a relationship with a girl you’ve been seeing for quite a while, we’ve all been there.
We’ve all had that situation where things fucked up and when we retraced our steps we realise “Fuck, I came off as too needy” or “I was too dependant on her”.
Each time we make the mistake we usually end up doing it several times before actually learning what to change. This talk is aimed to get you over your neediness with women and start living it up carefree.
Start with the first video below for the #1 thing you need to do to overcome neediness.
Done watching? Check out a recording from one of our freetalks below:
Peter’s Story – Don’t be That Guy!
To start off, I’m going to tell you a story about a friend of mine who went down a really bad path because he thought he had found ‘the one’.
A good friend of mine (Peter) was studying to be an engineer at one of the best universities in the UK. His first year went by very well, he achieved some of the highest scores in the year and was determined to keep it up.
Second year comes along and he meets the girl of his dreams, they start a relationship together and start spending a great deal of time with each other.
It reached the point that she became his ‘everything’.
He ended up not studying for his exams because he was seeing her all the time.
When it came time for exam resits, he just never showed up because he was helping her move out of her ex-boyfriend’s apartment and into his.
Eventually, he decided to drop out of university and get a minimum wage job working at a supermarket.
In his mind, he didn’t need an education or a high paid job, all he needed was his girlfriend and enough income to cover his half of the rent.
This went on for about 2 years, with him flying over to Belgium with her whenever she visited her family so that he would never have to leave her side.
Their relationship was primarily based around her life, and he came second.
Not because she asked for it, but because Peter was simply in love and wanted to do everything in his power to keep her happy (or what he thought would keep her happy). After about 2 years, the girl decided that this was a dead end relationship, and that she wanted to have her space and be single again, basically saying that she was bored of him.
To top it all off, he got fired from his job because he was skipping too many days at the supermarket (again probably to spend time with her). So she moved out, leaving Peter with his and her half of the rent to pay, no job, no education, no girlfriend (and not many friends).
Now this story is a bit extreme, but I can definitely see some of the old me in Peter.
In the past I have dropped many things just to cater for a girlfriend’s lifestyle or trends and I’m sure so have you.
However, it isn’t any of our faults.
We don’t see it coming, and we were never taught to overcome it or change it.
We don’t know how to stop being needy
Logically, if you like a girl, you spend time with her, so where’s the problem?
Why is giving up a few things here or there an issue and will lead to her (in many cases) getting bored?
To understand this, think of why she started dating you in the first place.
What got her attracted to you to begin with?
Were you the same guy at the end of the relationship as you were at the start?
In most cases, you were an alpha male, or you possessed some alpha/attractive qualities, which sparked her interest.
Then you guys started dating, and you started changing up your life to fit hers.
If you used to work out 6 times a week, you dropped it to maybe 2-3 times.
If you used to go out with your buddies every weekend, you started staying at home to watch a movie with her instead.
If you were chasing a dream career or starting your own business, you side tracked a little or put it on hold completely so that you would be able to be with her more.
Everything she found attractive about you to start with, you slowly gave up.
Everything that characterised you as a person, you sacrificed in order to become the person you thought she would want.
If you don’t want to end up a chode in a relationship you should follow the simple rules below.
Rule #1: Do not change your lifestyle:
If she met you and liked you, then what you are doing with your life, whatever goals you are chasing should never change.
In fact it is more attractive if you stay focused and pursue whatever it is you want to pursue, than putting it on hold to ‘be with her’.
Rule #2: Do not change your style:
If she tells you she doesn’t like your dress sense, and she tries to change it to something else.
Don’t do it. Be in control of your own decisions. She is already dating you, do not let her mould you into her ‘ideal’ persona.
You have your own character, own it. Do not be pushed around.
Rule #3: Go out with your friends:
Many of you will say that this is obvious, but there are a lot of guys out there who end up getting so deep in a relationship that they cut off their friends completely and end up only hanging out with her friends.
I’m not saying it’s not good to get along with her friends, but there’s a difference with getting along with them, and replacing them with your own friends and many people fall into this trap.
Rule #4: Avoid becoming the ‘Couch Potato Couple’ (CPC):
Most of the couples I know are all CPCs. They will show their faces out at one dinner, or one club once every few months, because they feel they have to. However, on a daily basis, all they do is sit on a couch, watch movies and end up having monotonous routine sex.
This is the number one reason why girls get bored.
When sex becomes routine and almost like clockwork, they lose the initial lust and passion they once had.
Guys are very simple, they can do with routine sex, because the orgasm is their main concern. We will poke poke finish, and then fall asleep, and we are content with that.
If sex becomes boring, your relationship is doomed!
Keep things exciting!
A relationship should never change you for the worse;
You should be growing just as much with her as you were while you were single.
Remember a quote from David D.:
‘Never change your mind, just to please a woman. If a woman suggests something that changes a man’s perspective, then he should make a new decision based on his new perspective. But he should never betray his own deepest knowledge and intuition in order to please his woman or “go along” with her. Both she and he will be weakened by such an action. They will grow to resent each other, and the crust of accumulated inauthenticity will burden their love, as well as their capacity for free action.’ – David Deida, The way
of the superior man.
All the best,