How To Have Epic First Dates – 5 Mistakes That Are Holding You Back
What you'll learn in this article:
- How to frame first date interactions
- How to take the pressure off the interaction
- How to use emotional transference to your advantage
- Why opening up to her is essential
- How to get 'in state' leading up to the date
First dates can be a daunting experience if you don’t know how to handle them. Many guys fall into the trap of pressuring themselves into feeling the need to impress her and show her a good time.
I used to believe that I had to act a certain way on a date and conform to the social norms (James Bond anyone?). Little did I know that everything I was doing was making me more nervous, more in my head and more counterproductive. All this did was make the WOMAN feel more nervous and more in her head, which resulted in robotic and dismal first dates.
After being on countless dates, I came (no pun intended) to the realisation that:
The more you force a date to go well, the worse it will be!
This article will go through the 5 biggest sticking points guys have on first dates and in turn, help you to have epic first dates.
#1: How To Frame First Dates
From now on, I want you to frame dates as a mutually beneficial interaction where two people are having fun together. This means that you don’t WANT something from her, but want to get to know her on a more intimate level. The girl already likes you to some degree for her to commit to an actual date. The nervousness many guys feel comes from a position of scarcity.
If you haven’t had much experience with going on first dates, you blow the importance of the date out of proportion. This is why you need to build up your reference experiences. Everyone starts from somewhere.
#2: Taking The Pressure Off
Scarcity leads to you feeling nervous and the NEED for the date to go well.
‘I need to impress her.’
‘I need this to go well.’
‘I hope she’s having fun.’
‘How can i make her feel comfortable.’
‘I have to go for the kiss.’
‘I have to get laid.’
…if you have ever had any of these thoughts going through your mind while on a first date, you’re in the right place.
Picture this: A guy holds a gun to your head. He tells you that if you don’t score the basket he will shoot you. It doesn’t matter if you’re Kobe or Billy from the farmers market, the pressure of an otherwise easy task for you, will in most cases cause you to overthink the process, put you in your head and ultimately, cause you to fail.
The pressure of ‘scoring’ is paradoxical. The more relaxed you are, the greater your chance of scoring. There isn’t a gun to your head. Even if you ‘miss’, the reference experience is invaluable.
#3: Emotional Transference
This is a big one.
Women are very good at picking up energies. I swear I’m not a hippie but it’s true.
As a general guideline:
– If you’re feeling nervous, she will feel nervous.
– If you’re feeling scared, she will feel scared.
– If you have a hidden agenda, she will pick up on it.
On the flip side:
– If you’re having fun, she will have fun.
– If you’re in a relaxed state, she will be relaxed.
– If you’re leading, she will follow.
This is why you should do things on dates you actually enjoy. If you want to go the zoo to check out the Pandas and you’re enjoying yourself, it will put you in a better state, which will make the girl feel more comfortable and help her feel more relaxed with you. The guidelines of what constitutes a date are extremely broad and are not confined by: Movie, Dinner, Bar etc.
#4: Being Someone You’re Not
The name’s Bond, James Bond.
Let’s be honest, if you were a girl and James Bond came up to you, acting all cool and suave, you would be a little intimidated. There’s a lack of realness and relatabilty. But say James Bond tripped and fell down or acted a little more natural, she would see that he’s human just like every other guy. This builds comfort and trust and lets her get to the real YOU.
Showing vulnerability is not a weakness. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that the girl wants you to be perfect. Embrace the reality of human nature and tell her a funny or embarrassing story about yourself. This will create massive amounts of attraction and rapport and will make her more comfortable with you.
#5: Bad State = Bad Date
Always try to be as much social as you can possibly be before a date. On your way there talk to as much people as possible. Talk to roommates before you leave the house or approach random people on the way. If you have nobody to talk to make the „Golden Phone Call“. Just call a friend who you can easily talk to and joke around a bit to get you in a talkative mood. All this will ultimately result in a good state leading up to the date. It might also help you to put on clothes that make you feel confident, just try out what works for you.
1. Don’t make the first date too important. She already likes you.
2. Come from a place of abundance.
3. Don’t overthink the situation. Just relax and enjoy the conversation.
4. Be human. Let her get to know you and stop acting like your someone else.
5. Do something that puts you in a good state.